I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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