Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
