yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
