He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
