Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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