I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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