so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
