"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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