the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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