I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
