You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
