Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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