you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
