Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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