I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
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