The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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