At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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