I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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