I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Last time i carry you out of a forest
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
