Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
