honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
