Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
