Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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