Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
