I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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