Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
