Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
