Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
is that a dick in a sweater?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
