I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
