just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
