I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
