Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
His hands were made for my vagina.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
