i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
