I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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