Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
