All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
