i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
