I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
