We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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