Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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