i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
