She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
