he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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