He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
