True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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