...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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