my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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