if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
