I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
