Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he fucked my hip out of place.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
