We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
