Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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