Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
