so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
