I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
