I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Farmville is her only friend.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
